1) NOT KISSING FIRST.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones
makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your
money's worth by cutting out non essentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.
2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well,
there's a difference
between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to
extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.
3) NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin
which your rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.
4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness
when they
get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.
5) BITING HER NIPPLES.
Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down
like they're
trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly
sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them
gently. Flicking your
tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a dogie toy,
isn't.
6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.
Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between
finger and thumb like
you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the
whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.
7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.
A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville
East and
West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her
body which
you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into
downtown
Vagina. So start paying them some attention.
8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.
Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in
tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive,
just ask her to take the damn things off.
9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.
Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you
store it.
10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.
Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers
along side of the clitoris.
11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.
Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you
stop, they
plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not
there,keep
going at all costs, numb jaw or not.
12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.
Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when
naked at the waist
with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant
present, not a kid's toy.
13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.
Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy.
Pulling the
material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is
not.
14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.
Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still
believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your
hand down there
than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This
is okay in
principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt so don't get
carried away. It's
best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior ofher
vagina at first,
then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.
15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.
You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get
her in
the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are
not.
16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.
Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made
some move
toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple
of
buttons.
17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.
A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst. Lose the socks
first.
18) GOING TOO FAST.
When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing
you can
do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel
like an
assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build
up
slowly,with clean, straight, regular thrusts.
19) GOING TOO HARD.
If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or
stomach,
the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding
concentrated into a few
seconds.
20) COMING TOO SOON.
Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the
whites
of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her
pleasure too.
21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.
It may appear to you that humping for an hour without
climaxing is the
mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a
numb vagina. At
least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something
to hold
her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.
22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.
You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise.
But if you
really don't know, don't ask.
23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.
Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole
mouth
down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your
tongue on her
clitoris.
24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.
Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping
that it
will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this.It's
about
three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you
want her to use
her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.
25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.
Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not
everybody likes it.When she's
performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do
what's necessary.
26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.
Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie
there. And don't grab her head.
27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.
In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate
over them.
In real life, it just means more laundry to do.
28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.
Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she
does
all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't
feel quite so much
like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.
29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN
ACCIDENT.
This is how men earn a reputatio n for not being able to follow
directions. If you
want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being
drunk is an excuse.
30) TAKING PICTURES.
When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the
words
"__to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.
31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.
Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to
pouring
honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and
feathers are all
handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.
32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.
There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.
33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.
If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a
Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you
want a sexual
partner
with snapped hamstrings.
34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.
Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men
because they
have a prostate. Women don't.
35) GIVING LOVE BITES.
It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of
the
neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear
turtlenecks and jaunty
scarves for weeks on end.
36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.
Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's
not a big
turn-on.
37) TALKING DIRTY.
It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900
line.
If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know
38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.
You have to finish the job. Keep on trying unt il you get it right,
and
she might even do the same for you.
39) SQUASHING HER.
Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a
bit too
heavily, she will turn blue.
40) THANKING HER.
Never thank a woman for having sex with you.Your bedroom is
not a soup kitchen.
0 comments:
Post a Comment